If the following movies could be wiped off the face of the planet, I feel the world would be a much better place. Not coincidentally, most of these movies are from the late 80’s – a horrible time period for the arts in general. In no particular order:
1. Pretty Woman. I have never found this movie to be romantic on any level. You lost me at hooker.
2. Cocoon. Please see Driving Miss Daisy.
3. Driving Miss Daisy. I have nothing against the elderly; I just don’t want to see movies about them. I’m sure I’ll feel differently about this when I’m old. Or maybe not.
4. Cocktail. This fits in nicely with my hatred of “Kokomo.” To be posted at a future time: My Top 10 Worst Songs Ever. “Kokomo” will definitely be on this list.
5. Top Gun. “Take My Breath Away…” will also be on the list.
6. Dirty Dancing. As will “She’s Like the Wind.” Yes, I too am noticing a pattern developing… And if Patrick Swayze's monotone crooning wasn't enough (it is), the line "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" firmly solidifies Dirty Dancing's position on my list.
7. Ghost. The pottery scene makes me wanna hurl. I prefer that ghosts be reserved for the horror genre. I do not enjoy them in the romance genre.
8. Road House. A professional bouncer with a Ph.D in philosophy? Played by Patrick Swayze, no less? I don’t think so.
9. Any movie starring Kid ‘N Play. I don’t get it and I never will.
10. City of Angels. Please see comments on Ghost.
11. Weekend at Bernie’s. Do I really need to elaborate?
12. Mannequin. It’s a romance, it’s a comedy, it’s unwatchable.
13. Three Men and a Baby and Three Men and a Little Lady. Gross.
14. Look Who’s Talking. Grosser. I do not enjoy movies that feature talking babies.
I reserve the right to revise this list at any time - not because I think that there's a chance in hell that I'll ever experience a change of heart about one of these cinematic atrocities, but because I might remember a movie that sucks even more than one of those listed above (even though that’s pretty hard to fathom). I’m sure that there’s some other movie starring Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, or Patrick Swayze from the late 80’s that I’ve blessedly, yet only temporarily wiped from memory.
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