I think we'll have to pass on the Bumpits.

Maggie just approached me, begging with much excitement and enthusiasm, for something she just saw on TV called "Bumpits." She continued to inform me that "they're only $9.99 plus process and handling, and if you buy one, you get one free!"

























C seemed to be concerned by her request for Bumpits, as if he were assuming that naturally I would rush to take advantage of the twofer. However I would never purchase Bumpits for my daughter for these reasons alone:

At best she might look like this





And at worst she might look like this




Yeah, I think we'll have to pass on the Bumpits.

Wherein I entreat you to point at me and laugh.

Inspired by Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka, who proposed an Internet DUEL of embarrassing photographs, I am going to accept this challenge and treat you to some truly embarrassing photographs of me as a kid. Why? Because I enjoy humiliation. And just in case you were wondering, I also like to be spanked (just kidding, this isn't that kind of post). Truthfully, I am certain that my mother possesses pictures far worse than the ones that I've posted here - you know, the typical 1982 flashbacks of perms gone bad, sparkle headbands and Olivia Newton John inspired "Let's Get Physical" leg warmers. I promise to attempt to procure these photographs and share them in the not to distant future. But anyway, here's what I've got for today:

The year is 1983. I had just received some sort of award in swimming and my mom wanted to get a couple of snapshots of me in all my swimsuit glory to send to out-of-state relatives. It was winter in Wyoming (which means it was really cold) and my mom made me put on my swimsuit and pose for pictures before school, which I'm sure you can tell did not make me happy. Even at the tender age of 9, I was most definitely not a morning person. Truthfully I think my mom has another picture where I'm crying, and this one was taken after she threatened to beat me if I didn't stop. (Just kidding, mom! Love you! But there is one where I look even more unhappy, I'm certain of that).

Circa 1985. Here I am with my little brother, and I don't think I need to tell you that I thought I was the hotness with this haircut and my rockin' dangle earrings. Also, check out the pastel blouse/sweater vest combo. Oh yes, I believed this outfit to be the shit. Scroll down for a close-up.

"Come and get me, boys."

And now for the creme de la creme of today's embarrassing photos, me circa 1988. Oh yes, we have the quintessential ratted bangs, which no doubt required an entire bottle of Aqua Net to sculpt to perfection, and a badass attitude to boot. When this photograph was taken, a childhood friend from Wyoming was visiting for the summer and I remember rocking out to "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison and watching The Lost Boys and Like Father Like Son marathons. Embarrassing confession: I used to have a crush on Kirk Cameron. I can't even believe that I'm admitting to that right now because that is just so nauseatingly GROSS! It kind of makes my stomach queasy. And oh how I wish now that I had never succumbed to the ratted bang trend. Remind me not to complain from now on when Maggs does that weird thing with her headband.

Well that does it for today. I hope that you've enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. I promise to look for more embarrassing childhood photographs for the express purpose of your amusement, because I'm more than willing to subject myself to humiliation for your pleasure. Aren't I nice like that?

Remembering When...

I had sheep hair.



*I had to do some serious cropping to this photograph in order to protect the innocent - I mean, who wants to be seen with someone that has sheep hair?