Monday, February 15, 2010

I love the smell of piss in the morning.

*Disclaimer: I'm cranky. Real cranky. Read at your own risk.

So I've been sick all weekend. Just a little head cold, nothing to get your underwear in a bunch over. But of course due to my refusal inability to follow everyone around, wiping their asses cleaning up after them and generally waiting on them hand and foot, the house is a shit hole in a general state of disarray. The last time I dared to venture into the main living space of my home, there were dirty kid underwear on the kitchen floor, random half eaten waffles left lying on the carpet, and a sink full of dishes overflowing onto the surrounding counter space. And don't even get me started about what my son did to the toilet last night. Let me just say that the hubs almost had to make an emergency trip to Walmart for Drano, after my plunging prowess failed to rectify the situation (the hubs saved the day with his own mad plunging skilz. It's true though, I'm hella good at plunging. Sorry boys, I'm taken. XOXO).

What's more, this morning I was awakened at the butt crack of dawn by the ever-delightful sound of children bickering (ahhh, music to my ears), at which point I discovered that Maggs, who always occasionally sleeps with me, had also wet the bed. Good times. You know me - I love the smell of piss in the morning.

32 comments:

The Mommyologist said...

LMAO!!! My bathroom reeks of piss after my son is in there too! He tries, but always manages to hit the wall! OMG I love your sense of humor...I am going to follow you for sure!

amy said...

I am sorry you had the sickies this weekend. I am fighting yet another cold myself. Yucks! Oh yeah, I've woken up a few times to a pee-pee bed when Bug's diaper has failed. Yup, just another thing to add to the many joys of co-sleeping! And I am pretty proud of my mad skills with a plunger too.

JennyMac said...

If you could hear me laughing right now you might hate me. I am SO sorry you are sick and then washed in peepee bath but you did tell this very very well..in fact, I need to go locate my lung that flew out of my mouth from laughing so hard.

Please feel better soon!!!!!!

ModernMom said...

Oh girlfriend! How I feel your pain! I have been down and out witht he headache of all headaches. When I dare to venture into the kitchen for much needed food...I am scared! How can 3 creatures, human creatures, destroy a house just because they are left unsupervised for a few hours??
Hope you are feeling better soon:)

Amber Page Writes said...

luckily, mine can't get into that much trouble yet. I'm sick too (and home with her)...to gain a little peace I let her empty out numerous drawers, throw spaghettios at me and torture the cat.

I "may" be a bad mom, huh?

MiMi said...

Oh blech! I hope you feel better and that people start cleaning up after themselves!!

Susan Erickson said...

The butt crack of dawn DOES come early when piss perfume is in the air. Motherhood has a lot to do with shit and piss for a very long time. Sickness makes the misery worse. Are you thinking of having another?

Kita said...

Came here from SITS (as I'm new to them and clicking on random blogs for commenting) but damn did I get lucky by clicking yours! Its real. That is so refreshing. I ended up reading like 4 of your posts. Thank you. Your blog is a nice break from the overly 'cheeky domestic diva' attitude that even I try to maintain on my site.

Sara Plays House said...

You are my hero. I've never plunged a toilet. I just cower in fear of the bathroom until the husband returns, point him in that direction with a shaky smile and hope for the best.
(For the record, it's almost always, ALWAYS my four year old who clogs it up)

leigh said...

That sucks ass! It could be worse...your husband could be sick too. Men are so worthless when they are sick. Men are worthless when mama is sick too, really. I'm starting to sense a theme here.

Feel better soon!

Candice said...

You poor thing. You need a girls WEEK out in a bad way.

My son has this bad habit of taking a dump and then smearing it on the toilet seat as he stands up. Drives me in-freaking-SANE!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

O.M.G.

You need a serious day of pampering. Like yesterday. Is Mother's Day almost here?

Sarah said...

Oh god. It's amazing how everything just falls apart when mummy falls apart. It's actually not amazing but scary, really. Here's to hoping you feel much better soon.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Oh honey...sounds like you were at my house this weekend! I couldn't even see the counters to clean it up!!

Jules said...

oh man. such a bummer. but i love the way you tell it. seriously cracks me up every time i read your blog. you rule!

Bathwater said...

Imagine the exact opposite of your weekend and you have mine and though I am sure it would seem like a dream come true to you. some how it just isn't healthy for me.

blueviolet said...

You're a house of piss and poop! This is not good!

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

So sorry you've been sick. I really hope you are feeling better today! BTW I can't stop laughing at the "butt crack of dawn." It is such a perfect description of my every morning. Sorry also you had to wake up to a bed full of piss. I'll send you a biohazard suit as soon as I can.

The Wifey said...

Mmm. I woke up to a 'pissy' situation too. I walked into the livingroom to find hubby had woken up, fed the baby, changed her, and then fallen asleep on the couch. He'd left the peepee diaper (folded up) sitting on the floor. When I found the little miss she was eating it. Wonderful.

Denise said...

Hy-ster-i-cal. Love your blog and your sense of humor.

Erin said...

Dude, we are living parallel lives! But no one pissed in my bed this morning. Of course, my kids are still wearing Pull Ups at night, so that could be why.

;-)
Hope you feel better soon!

Tracie said...

Sounds like another day in paradise. We're having out eleventeenth snow day here. I'm about to lose my mind. What's left of it.

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas said...

Yep. Cuddling with captain leaky diaper was a joy for me this weekend as well.

Hope you're feeling better.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

There is NOTHING worse than waking up in a wet bed. UGH UGH UGH.

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Grateful Twin Mom said...

WOW. What a day. I hate it when the house screeches to a halt when I don't take care of it. Aren't these other people even the slightest bit able to care for our common space?! Hope you're feeling better soon.

Funny story, once my husband and I were both sick with flu, so much so that we couldn't even get up to take the kids to preschool/daycare. After 6 hours of TV, kids were climbing up the walls. Had to call a friend to come and pick them up. Good times.

Alyssa said...

Hope you're feeling better soon. Doesn't it just make you feel important to know how indispensible you are? Aren't people in that position (other than mothers) usually paid oodles of money?

Get well soon.

Wym said...

I love a little sarcasm. New here!

Amie said...

Yo, stop by my blog and get your award.

Kelly said...

Nothin' like piss in the mornin'! I love your blog and love your blog titles! you are very funny...totally following you too now!
And uh...I'm gonna have to pass on the bumpets too!

http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/

Amy said...

Ok, so it's days like this where we could use some extra help! I'm thinking of starting a business...let's call it..."rent-a-wife!"

She steps in to do all the mundane chores while we get to recooperate, or hell...just go out for a margarita!

Hope you're feeling better honey! Oh, and I am VERY impressed by your plunging prowess;)

The Only Girl said...

ewwww . . . not good. The sickness, the plumbing issue OR the bed pee. Hope it all gets much better. And fast.