Friday, January 15, 2010

Wherein I entreat you to point at me and laugh.

Inspired by Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka, who proposed an Internet DUEL of embarrassing photographs, I am going to accept this challenge and treat you to some truly embarrassing photographs of me as a kid. Why? Because I enjoy humiliation. And just in case you were wondering, I also like to be spanked (just kidding, this isn't that kind of post). Truthfully, I am certain that my mother possesses pictures far worse than the ones that I've posted here - you know, the typical 1982 flashbacks of perms gone bad, sparkle headbands and Olivia Newton John inspired "Let's Get Physical" leg warmers. I promise to attempt to procure these photographs and share them in the not to distant future. But anyway, here's what I've got for today:


The year is 1983. I had just received some sort of award in swimming and my mom wanted to get a couple of snapshots of me in all my swimsuit glory to send to out-of-state relatives. It was winter in Wyoming (which means it was really cold) and my mom made me put on my swimsuit and pose for pictures before school, which I'm sure you can tell did not make me happy. Even at the tender age of 9, I was most definitely not a morning person. Truthfully I think my mom has another picture where I'm crying, and this one was taken after she threatened to beat me if I didn't stop. (Just kidding, mom! Love you! But there is one where I look even more unhappy, I'm certain of that).


Circa 1985. Here I am with my little brother, and I don't think I need to tell you that I thought I was the hotness with this haircut and my rockin' dangle earrings. Also, check out the pastel blouse/sweater vest combo. Oh yes, I believed this outfit to be the shit. Scroll down for a close-up.



"Come and get me, boys."

And now for the creme de la creme of today's embarrassing photos, me circa 1988. Oh yes, we have the quintessential ratted bangs, which no doubt required an entire bottle of Aqua Net to sculpt to perfection, and a badass attitude to boot. When this photograph was taken, a childhood friend from Wyoming was visiting for the summer and I remember rocking out to "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison and watching The Lost Boys and Like Father Like Son marathons. Embarrassing confession: I used to have a crush on Kirk Cameron. I can't even believe that I'm admitting to that right now because that is just so nauseatingly GROSS! It kind of makes my stomach queasy. And oh how I wish now that I had never succumbed to the ratted bang trend. Remind me not to complain from now on when Maggs does that weird thing with her headband.

Well that does it for today. I hope that you've enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. I promise to look for more embarrassing childhood photographs for the express purpose of your amusement, because I'm more than willing to subject myself to humiliation for your pleasure. Aren't I nice like that?

27 comments:

Bathwater said...

You just reminded me why I've only posted like 4 pictures of myself in the 5 years I've been blogging.

And you think I have courage to post the things I write --hah! ;)

Naomi de la Torre said...

Oh my god, that was funny. Not the pictures of you. Those were STELLAR. The commentary. They really took me back to the good ole days with the ratted bangs and layered multicolored socks and jeans with zippers at the ankle. Good times. I can almost smell the Wet Rain (that was my brand of choice--sorrr Aqua Net) right now. Thanks for that. I don't think I'll be doing any reciprocal posting of my childhood photos anytime soon though unless I can schedule emergency daily meetings with all 3 of my therapists.

Naomi de la Torre said...

oops, typo. meant to say sorry Aqua Net.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

That was just pretty much amazing. And you rocked my socks off.

Don't worry. I had a crush on Kirk Cameron, too. And then I waited on him a lot of years later and he was just the most basic average looking person. I just couldn't put together how i ever loved him.

BigSis said...

It's like you are posting my pictures - I had the same haircuts at the same stages. Did you have a spiral perm in the early 90's or was that just me?

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. You beat me because you had the bangs. I needed the bangs. In 10 years, people will mock my pictures harder.

I need to do better. I will one-up these. I WILL.

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas said...

Oh I can beat these handily...like the shot of me with french braids so tight that my German/Polish face looks Asian...or the lion cut I somehow thought was a good idea in 7th grade...with braces...and a homemade dress.

(Thanks for stopping by and saying "hi!" It's great to meet other Vegas bloggers. We should meet up sometime. I promise I'm not a pyscho, really....well, unless you ask my ex-husband. That's way too much for a comment box, though.)

Existential Waitress said...

Bathwater, I'm deranged. What can I say? I kind of enjoy revelling in my dorkiness - call it a personal defect...

Naomi, I'm glad you enjoyed the flashbacks to the good ole days as you called them. I call them, "What was I thinking?!?!" ;) LOL.

Monique, yeah that whole Kirk Cameron thing is just so embarrassing. I'm more embarrassed by THAT then the god-awful photos.

Existential Waitress said...

BigSis, YES!!! I DID have the early 90's spiral perm! It almost destroyed my hair. I used to be obsessed with having perfect curly hair, when I have fine, board straight hair. Thank you Jennifer Aniston for finally making this acceptable! LOL!

Aunt Becky, this is WAR then! I warned you, I'm certain that there are even uglier, more embarrassing pictures of me out there! I must now search for the most embarrassing picture EVER!!! And god those bangs are awful...

Fear and Parenting, those sound like some pretty good pictures! They've already elicited a chuckle and I haven't even seen them yet!

And I'd love to meet up sometime. I'm glad you didn't dismiss me as a freak/potential stalker, because this city sure has plenty of weirdos. I promise I'm not one - unless you include my irrational fear of raw meat. I guess that IS kinda weird. BTW, I have an ex-husband too. I don't know if he thinks I'm a psycho (in some ways he probably does), but I'm certain that he does think I'm a bitch extraordinaire. LOL.

leigh said...

Kirk Cameron was pretty hot BUT Corey Haim was sooo hot in The Lost Boys.
I love these old pics of you. Especially the bangs. I would get up 20 minutes early before school to sculpt my bangs. It was an art form.

Grateful Twin Mom said...

Okay, I watched Lost Boys about a thousand times with my super big, permed hair. I did the weird thing of leaving the bangs flat, though. Imagine, a perm with flat bangs. I shudder at the thought. Funny, funny post.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

LOVE it! Thanks for making me laugh. The dangle earrings ROCK and the hair in the next shot, well, let's just say I'm cool w. my photo albums from back then being at my parents' house, SEVERAL states away!

yellowsnapper said...

Excellent work digging up the dirt. This photo assignment looks like so much fun, but all my childhood photos are with my mother. Grrr. Maybe I will do this randomly later in the year.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

sorry to announce - i have seen worse

thanks for the award and it will be up this friday

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

I love in like every one of these you are so OVER it. much like my girl Suri. Good for you.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

There's an award waiting for you on my blog.

Existential Waitress said...

Leigh, you just made me LAUGH MY ASS OFF b/c I really did think Corey Haim was sooo cute in the Lost Boys back then. I guess I figured confessing to my Kirk Cameron crush was enough as it is. And oh yes, I would wake up early just to get to work on those bangs - I can remember being late to school if they weren't just right.

GTM, sadly, I also did the thing with permed hair and flat bangs a few years later - I refer to that as my "sheep hair" phase. I will post pictures of that soon too. It was pretty bad!

Andrea, maybe I should be grateful that my mom seems to have packed up all our old photo albums as she's moving right now. I could really go to town with the embarrassing photos!

Yellowsnapper, humiliation is always in style - I'll look forward to seeing your pics later in the year! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

SFTC, I've actually seen worse too. Some of the worst pics I've ever seen in my life are of other members of my extended family. Since they never seem to read my or comment on my blog, I should start posting some of these pics. (kidding, sort of. And I don’t mean you, mom).

MODG, You said I'm like SURI!!! You made my day - no my year. Already.

Thanks, Monique - I'll check it out! What a nice thing to read first thing Monday morn!

Maggie May said...

you look gorgeous! the hair...yeah...not so much ;)

i also had a little crush on KC, but a way bigger one on Ricky from Silver Spoons :) or Chachie from Happy Days! or Knight Rider OH MY GOD

Existential Waitress said...

Maggie May, those ARE embarrassing crushes, but I think Corey Haim takes the cake any day of the week - the "Coreys" are the WORST! Then again, David Hasselhoff IS pretty bad. LOL!

Amie said...

Who are you kidding, the Coreys are MAGIC!!!!

And you know I could top these photos--I had the grossest eighties hair ever---although my hair texture was made for it. I have had to spend the rest of my life trying to tame it. I'd kill for board straight hair.

Amie said...

Let me clarify, I never had a crush on the Coreys, but when they got together they made MAGIC!

Existential Waitress said...

Oh, you well know my feelings about the Coreys and the magic that they create together...Except for that horrible reality show on A&E where Corey Haim was all strung out. Even I couldn't watch that show, and I watch some pretty horrible/awesome reality TV.

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom said...

What about wings? Spray the sides of your head with enough hair spray to permanently harm the ozone layer, then blow dry with round brush pulling outwards.

Ah, 1986. You were SO AWFUL TO ME.

Existential Waitress said...

Kate, oh yes - I am very familiar with wings, as my mom had them for many, many years. I still refer to her as Farrah to this day. When I was a little girl, i used to try and emulate her winged awesomeness. Good call mentioning wings!

jules said...

Man, I remember fashioning my bangs like that and KNOWING I looked good! Love the pics!

Maggie May said...

it (terribly niavely) blows me away how the Corey's ended up. pathetic washed out bloated. i thought they were...hot!!!

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