Happy Monday Morning

Hello! Have We Met?

Next Sunday, C and I will have been married for six years. You would think that by now, he'd have a general idea of my likes and dislikes. But last night he seemed surprised when I declined to watch his most recent Netflix request, Death Race. Here is the Netflix description of Death Race:

"Jason Stratham stars in this futuristic thriller as Jensen Ames, an ex-con turned speedway champion who's framed for a grisly murder and forced to compete in a grueling three-day televised car race against his fellow inmates. Sitting behind the wheel of a monster car outfitted with machine guns, flamethrowers, and grenade launchers, Ames is in the race of his life - and the whole world is watching."

Car races that involve monster cars outfitted with machine guns, flamethrowers, and grenade launchers? What would make C think that this would sound evenly remotely appealing to me? But for some unknown reason, C also mistakenly believes me to be lusting after Jason Stratham. In truth, I think it may be C that is lusting after Jason Stratham. (By the way, this was also after he offered me some of his "scrapple"). At this point, I have to assume that he must be confusing me with his other wife.

My Kind of Fun

Sunday morning, my bed, a cup of freshly brewed coffee, and a ready abundance of movies such as these for my viewing pleasure:

Currently on my tivo list:
Some Like It Hot
Double Indemnity
The Big Sleep
Now Voyager
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Sunset Boulevard
Viva Las Vegas
The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
Straight Jacket
Tomorrow is Forever
DOA
Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice
Queen Christina
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Roman Holiday
Yojimbo
Mildred Pierce
A Place in the Sun
Blow Up
All This and Heaven Too
Dark Victory

*Note: Needless to say, rain would make this scenario even more ideal.

My Top 10 Worst Movies Ever

If the following movies could be wiped off the face of the planet, I feel the world would be a much better place. Not coincidentally, most of these movies are from the late 80’s – a horrible time period for the arts in general. In no particular order:

1. Pretty Woman. I have never found this movie to be romantic on any level. You lost me at hooker.
2. Cocoon. Please see Driving Miss Daisy.
3. Driving Miss Daisy. I have nothing against the elderly; I just don’t want to see movies about them. I’m sure I’ll feel differently about this when I’m old. Or maybe not.
4. Cocktail. This fits in nicely with my hatred of “Kokomo.” To be posted at a future time: My Top 10 Worst Songs Ever. “Kokomo” will definitely be on this list.
5. Top Gun. “Take My Breath Away…” will also be on the list.
6. Dirty Dancing. As will “She’s Like the Wind.” Yes, I too am noticing a pattern developing… And if Patrick Swayze's monotone crooning wasn't enough (it is), the line "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" firmly solidifies Dirty Dancing's position on my list.
7. Ghost. The pottery scene makes me wanna hurl. I prefer that ghosts be reserved for the horror genre. I do not enjoy them in the romance genre.
8. Road House. A professional bouncer with a Ph.D in philosophy? Played by Patrick Swayze, no less? I don’t think so.
9. Any movie starring Kid ‘N Play. I don’t get it and I never will.
10. City of Angels. Please see comments on Ghost.

Bonus:
11. Weekend at Bernie’s. Do I really need to elaborate?
12. Mannequin. It’s a romance, it’s a comedy, it’s unwatchable.
13. Three Men and a Baby and Three Men and a Little Lady. Gross.
14. Look Who’s Talking. Grosser. I do not enjoy movies that feature talking babies.

I reserve the right to revise this list at any time - not because I think that there's a chance in hell that I'll ever experience a change of heart about one of these cinematic atrocities, but because I might remember a movie that sucks even more than one of those listed above (even though that’s pretty hard to fathom). I’m sure that there’s some other movie starring Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, or Patrick Swayze from the late 80’s that I’ve blessedly, yet only temporarily wiped from memory.